2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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