How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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