How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize