I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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