we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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