I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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