Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
