It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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