You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
