I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
