At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
