My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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