dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize