The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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