I wanna bring you to show and tell
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
