I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
