I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
