fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
