So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
