your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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