Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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