capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would ride that face into the sunset
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
