Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
