yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
