Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
