May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
