Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
