just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
