Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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