he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, I just burned my penis
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
