So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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