Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
