I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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