If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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