Umm I'm too high to move.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize