are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
