I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
nutella sex= disaster
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize