Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
