i think i have herpe
just one?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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