Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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