As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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