it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
