I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
