I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
