Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
