let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
