Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
