you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
