I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
