Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
