You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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