She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
