he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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