so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
tell me about the eggs
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