Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it's great music for shaving your balls
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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