on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
