you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
