We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize