This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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