i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
