Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Come on in and take your pants off
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