so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
