Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
