is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
