I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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