You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
