Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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