Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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