I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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