why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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