ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
